Well... not really running. Mostly walking, punctuated with pathetically slow jogging.
For years, I have been telling myself that I need to get in some sort of shape (besides round) and that the way to begin doing that is to commit to a 5K. I've never been able to pull the trigger, though - until now.
Getting ready for the Color Run ("The Happiest 5K on the Planet!") has been difficult, because approximately 90% of the time I'm still convinced I can't do this. I have never been successfully athletic in any way. I've been overweight since puberty. I regularly trip over my own two feet and walk into things. In my entire adult life, I have never been anything but a lazy fat girl, far happier being a body at rest than a body in motion. I don't even have "once upon a time, I could do this and I can do it again!" motivating me, because I was never capable of this. There's nothing to get back to - I got Bs and Cs in gym class, for crying out loud. The fastest mile I ever "ran," even as a kid, was over twelve minutes.
Who am I kidding, seriously? Nine out of ten steps I take, that's what I'm asking myself. Who are you kidding, Sarah? You can't do this, at least not without humiliating yourself. My internal monologue is horrifically self-deprecating.
On that tenth step, though... I begin to believe that maybe this time it will be different. Maybe I'm not destined to spend life just holding down my side of the couch. Maybe it's not too late to be physically capable of keeping up with my extremely active children - and really, that's the motivation right there. There are so many things I can't give my kids, so many experiences and luxuries I grew up with that I can't even begin to provide for them. All I can give them is myself, my time, my energy, my focus. That means being healthy enough to not get winded chasing them around a park. It means being able to move fast enough to hold onto the bike seat while chasing after a kid learning how to ride a two wheeler. It also means not hesitating when my husband says he wants to go canoeing, or hiking, or camping... or even shoot a few hoops. That's one small thing I could do occasionally, back in the day - grab a rebound or two.
I just want to be healthy, for them. For him.
And maybe, for me.
You absolutely can do this, Sarah! I believe in you.
ReplyDeleteI could have written this. Word for word. I other winded walking up the stairs. Besides skiing, I NEVER did any sport. And the first few weeks of C25K, I thought I was gonna die at the end of each 30 seconds run.
I wish I was there to run with you. I'm doing the Color Run in August with friends too, new!
I found listening to Metallica to be helpful when I started running. But that might not work for you.
ReplyDeleteI did a 10K once and a 5K once. They were a lot harder than normal running, even though I could easily do the distance on my own, because I wasn't good at pacing myself when there are alot of people running faster than my typical pace around me. So watch for that or you'll exhaust yourself too soon.
You can definitely do it!
ReplyDeleteI recently began a similar journey and had the same kinds of doubts about being able to ever really do it. Every time I jog, I get faster, get winded less easily, have to whip out the inhaler less frequently. I'm still pretty slow, but I'm building up from nothing. If I can do it, you can certainly do it!!
When is the 5K?