Two years ago today was my last day as a fixture in the world of working adults. I've waxed poetic on plenty of the ways my life is different now that I'm with the kids full time, so in honor of my personal independence day I thought I'd change things up a little and point out some of the ways things haven't really changed at all.
Money
When I was employed outside the home, I made no money because every last cent of my paycheck went towards child care expenses. It never even passed through my bank account because we paid the child care center via direct deposit. My "paycheck" was just a pdf file detailing where my employer sent all my money for me.
Now I make no money because nobody pays stay at home moms to just be moms!
Net change: zero.
Other People's Kids
In my professional life, I spent a lot of time worrying about Other People's Kids. I designed and executed educational programming for them in a variety of ways, most notably a large summer day camp that was really one of the great joys and stresses in my job (I've been known to refer to that program as my first baby.) Whether they were kids on field trips, kids at camp, or kids just visiting my workplace with their families, I wanted those kids to be having the best experience possible. A lot of it was behind the scenes (yay paperwork and parent/teacher communication!) while other folks were with the actual kids, but I got to spend a lot of time with kids, too.
Nowadays, I lead my daughter's girl scout troop and I'm very involved with my son's cooperative nursery school. For scouts, that means planning and executing a lot of educational programming and communicating with other parents. For the co-op, that means being in the classroom, helping out behind the scenes, and - very soon - being on the board. In both cases, the goal is the best possible experience for the kids. Sound familiar?
Overall, fewer kids total to worry about these days, but far greater emotional investment. Net change: Basically zero.
Relationship Navigation
Almost anyone who works outside the home has to deal with supervisors, co-workers, employees, or some combination thereof. Workplace alliances and drama are very real and can present significant challenges - but they can also become the roots of lasting friendships, long after the job is over.
Turns out, it's basically the same over here in Stay at Home Parent Land. My "co-workers" are mostly other parents of kids in my kids' social circles. And not unlike the workplace, some of them can be safely ignored, some present unavoidable challenges, and some become your support system and your friends.
I think it's harder to build a day to day network as a SAHP than it was as someone with a career and built-in coworkers, but once you have the pieces in place it's easier to customize that network to be what you need it to be over time. Net change: Zero.
My Priorities
I think it gets implied (and sometimes said outright) fairly often to parents who work outside the home that their kids must play second fiddle to their work. This made my blood boil as a working parent and it still makes my blood boil as a SAHM, because nothing could be further from the truth, in either situation.
It's really quite simple - my own children were always my first priority. When I was working 50+ hour weeks outside the home, and now with my career on hold indefinitely and all my time devoted to them - they were always Priority Number One. Always. Net change: Zero.
Sometimes I get bogged down mentally and emotionally by all the ways my life is different than it was, different than what I expected it to be. It's important for me to remind myself that really - a lot of the important things are not so different at all. I have loved these last two years - and I can't wait to see what the next two have in store!
